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User blog:Meta07/Fanfic: Eternal Wars - Chapter 18
You can read the other chapters here! Chapter 18: En Route (WARNING: This chapter contains some mature content/language, read at your own risk) 'December 16th, 2012' 'Ganymede Union's Command Aircraft, 11:00 AM' *cues classic palace music* Bretonnian General: Nice working with you, Ms. Phoenicia. That brat Decker has been messing with everyone since the beginning of time! Phoenicia: Ahaha... well, I didn't expect everyone to agree this soon though... Raymond: Right! That dumba** keeps on inventing better ray guns than us, forcing us to play chase! That's unforgivable! Phoenicia: Eh,... ehehe... Atsurya: Well, thank you all, generals of the Ganymede Union! I'm very gladful for your help on this matter! Bretonnian General: Hehe,... don't worry about it, Ms. Atsurya. We're always happy to help the nation of the cutest empress in the world. Atsurya: Eheheh... thank you very much. Phoenicia: Huh, wait a sec, Atsurya... Atsurya: Yes? Phoenicia: You told me Haruka is sick, and you sent Hate, Mizuki, Kenshi here right? Atsurya: Yes, and anything wrong with that? Phoenicia: Then... who's watching over the Japanese government...? Atsurya: W...well... the magician sisters stayed and can deal with that... but thinking about it, I haven't seen Roma recently... Meanwhile... 'Japana Palace, 11:00 PM' Angry Citizen 1: HEY! A BIRD CRAPPED ON MY HEAD! I DEMAND A BAN ON BIRDS IN THE CITY! Angry Citizen 2: HEY! SOME DUMBA** DEMOLISHED ONE OF MY ROOMS FOR NO REASONS! I DEMAND JUSTICE BE BROUGHT! Angry Citizen 3: HEY! I FLIRTED WITH A GIRL IN THE LAB BUT SHE REJECTED ME WITH A DISGUSTED FACE! I DEMAND A BAN ON REJECTING PEOPLE WITH A DISGUSTED FACE! Angry Citizen 4: HEY! HEY EVERYONE! Angry Citizens: What? *gather around Angry Citizen 4* Are we going to storm the palace? Angry Citizen 4: NO, BUT YOU ALL SUCK! *trollface* *runs away* Angry Citizens: G@##@n9FW9FF#r GET BACK HERE!!! Palace Guards: Good lord... Byzantine: Zzzzzzzz.... just 5 more mins, sis... I stayed up all night yesterday watching Cardcaptor Sakura because the palace's personal theatre is so good... zzzzzz.... 'Ganymede Union Command Aircraft, 11:02 AM' Atsurya: ...but don't worry, I'm sure things will be all right! Phoenicia: Eh.... eheheh... Again, meanwhile... 'Random Ganymede Union Aircraft, 11:00 AM' Franxian Soldier: HEY! There's a nendoroids factory down there! Romean Soldier: Way cool! I've wanted some nendoroids! Let me make an order... *writes something in his notebook* Bretonnian Soldier: HEY! ME TOO! *takes Romean Soldier's notebook and writes on it!* Romean Soldier: HEY! Kiraesian Soldier: ME TOO! *takes notebook and writes on it* Gracian Soldier: WTF ARE YOU GUYS DOING?! *takes notebook and throws it out of the plane after secretly writing on it* Something this dumb should be thrown away like THIS! Appian Soldier: NOOOOOOOOOOOO~!!! I haven't written anything yet... *sniff* Japanese Soldier: Uh... guys... there's a factory like that near my house... Franxian Soldier: Yeah, and no one is patient enough to wait until after the war, THEN wait until you finally receive our money and decide to go buy them, THEN wait until you deliver them back to all of us while keeping some for yourself and pretending to forget! Japanese Soldier: H... HEY! 'Raikengrad Nendoroids Factory, 11:05 AM' Roma: *on binoculars* Hmm... what a huge squadron! Huh? There's something strange falling down... let's see,... it's falling... right... to... Suddenly the notebook drops right near Roma's feet like a meteorite Roma: MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! Kenshi: HEY, what's with that primal screaming?! Roma: *huff puff* L... let's see... a notebook? *opens notebook* Huh? It's an order list... with all the addresses and instructions on how to contact them, cool! Let's see... Nendoroid Hakase... Yuki Miku 2014... Nendoroid Kongou... Nendoroid Azusa... Nendoroid Miho... hey Mizuki, do we have all of those designs? Mizuki: Heh? E...eh... not for now, I think. We've just established, but I think we can always contact Wonderful Smile Company later... Roma: Ah, ok then! Can you please send them a message please? Mizuki: Hai. Kenshi: *yawn* I'm bored with all this stuff... gonna help the other guys out. Good luck keeping up with the factory. Roma: H...HEY! Mou... 'Ganymede Union Command Aircraft, 11:15 AM' Communicator: Sir, we've got a message! Bretonnian General: What's that? Did Deshion send their fleets? Print it out, it may be something important. Communicator: Yes, sir! *decode message* Message: This is Raikengrad Lovey-Dovey Nendoroids Factory, property of Wonderful Smile Company. We're sending this message to confirm the order list from your squadron. Your army has ordered: One nendoroid Yuki Miku 2014, one Kousaka Honaka 1/8 scale figure, two Hatsune Miku Cheerful Version 1/8 scale figures, one nendoroid Yazawa Nico Peace Version, etc. etc. Since we've just established and is still in the organizing phase, all of the designs are not instantly available right now, but we will contact our headquarters and make them as soon as we can and give you all a wonderful smile. The delivering date for the figures is estimated at etc. etc. etc. Factory Director, (signed) Fukumi Mizuki Bretonnian General: ...hey WTF was that?! WHAT A WASTE OF TIME! Communicator: Uh... that's it sir! I'm afraid there's no new orders from our gov.. Bretonnian General: I mean, they ordered figures and they DIDN'T EVEN CONSIDER BUYING ME a Racing Miku 2012?! Really?! They could've at least gotten me a new Maki Peace Ver.! Communicator: Uh... yes, sir. No signs of them in the message, sir! Bretonnian General: Really! These guys just keep wasting my time hoping to see their gratitude... Atsurya: A... anou... if you're into that stuff then you could've asked me... We make them everywhere in our land... Bretonnian General: Really? Thank you very much! Atsurya: Ok then, a Racing Miku 2012 and Maki Peace Ver. right? *writes down on notebook* Oh, and just a note: The Love Live Peace Ver. Nendoroids don't really exist in real life. Atsurya: Oh, and Phoeniia, Vesta-tachi is here right? Phoenicia: Yes, they're in that plane with a galactic decor over there. But why? You're always that concerned about your troops' morale, huh? *smiles* Atsurya: Not really... *sips tea coming out from nowhere* I just want to watch a good concert once in a while... Phoenicia: Huh? ...oh, right,... knowing you... *smiles* 'Celestia Aircraft, 11:15 AM' VestA: Aaaa~... So we are here together again. I can't wait to meet MiRAi and perform as the complete Celestia again. Isn't that great, Siry? ΣirY: ...Hmph... *smiles* yeah... ???: Meh, we're just here talking because Meta is out of ideas yet still wanted to put us in this chapter... ??? 2: Aww... there, there, Vic... grumpy Vic... always making snarky, fourth-wall breaking comments... fufufu... Vic-story: Who are you calling grumpy, you idol-with-a-weird-stage-name? Seriously, CHANT&Sing? CHANT&Sing: Ara~... that coming from someone calling her self Vic. Sto. Ry. *pokes Vic's cheek* Vic-story: Wwwwwwhat? I'm the lyrics writer! *pout* That stage name c...completely fits! CHANT&Sing: You've just also proven there's nothing wrong with my stage name... Vic-story: Gnnn..... ah, forget it! VestA: There, there, Vic! Seong! What if there's a paparazzi filming all of your quarreling? BLING☆: Seriously still... Meta needs to find some time thinking of proper stage names for once... CLÉ: Ooohh~.... HEY! There's a new video of us on YouPipe! "Vic-story and CHANT&Sing making cute arguments about stage names on airplane".... CHANT&Sing: *gasps* SO FAST!!! Vic-story: ...*hides face in shame* VestA: Wow... your uploading speed was really fast, huh? What do you think about our in-flight internet, Mr. Guy-hiding-under-Vic's-seat? It's top-class stuff, you know... Paparazzo: *gulp*... Vic-story: W...when did you get HEEEEEERRREEEE?!!! VestA: Oh,and you, too! Don't you have any pride? Hiding in women's restroom and occasionally peeking outside to take a pic isn't good behavior, you know... Paparazzo 2: *opens restroom door and quietly goes outside* *gulp*... Suddenly, Vic, Seong and BLING☆ surround the second paparazzo, all with grim, scary faces. Vic-story: Well well well... do you have any explanation for cute Victoria? CHANT&Sing: You're truly brave, huh... You old pervert? BLING☆: *creepy voice* You... what have you done...?! Paparazzo 2: *gulp*I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I... I have only managed to take some pics of your spare panties, and.. Vic-story: WHAT?!!!! Paparazzo 2: *gulp* I.I.I.I mean... I also took some pics of Vic in the sho GNAH!!! *gets beaten endlessly by the idol trio* ΣirY: *sigh* Really,...these guys never learn, do they? VestA: Well, can't be bothered by them. The idols later tie the paparazzi up and make them sit in the corner, while giving them some juice and magazines to pass the time. Paparazzo 1: How mocking... don't worry, I've recorded and uploaded this heresy on the internet! This scandal should ruin their career forever! Paparazzo 2: Really? Let me see... "Celestia Idols beating up two men and tying them up like hostages?" Let's see... Video Comments: *Lol, freakin' crybabies... *Darn, you guys deserved to be kicked out of the airplane! We're so envious with you getting idol-class juice and magazines instead! *Damn pervs... *BANANAS! *Man, our angels were niiiiiiiice!!! *GO VIC GO!!! Awww... you stopped already? You don't have to be too kind... *etc. Paparazzo 1: Huh WTF? VestA: Good job, CLÉ! That's our promotion manager! CLÉ: Fufu... no problem... *watching the vid "Paparazzi boarding Celestia's plane illegally to do perverted things" which she uploaded herself* KatHeroyne: Well... but why call us out on a battle still? I mean, that's really dangerous... and we don't have any war songs... VestA: Well, don't worry, Phoenicia said we don't need to sing war songs. I know, I find it pretty strange but that's a real relief. Plus, the army will try their best to protect us with their special team. And I've got your back so just ♪''do as I say~!♫ '''Vic-story:' ♪''What'cha do? What'cha do? Ordering us around!♫ '''CHANT&Sing:' ♪''And then what~ about you? Sounding grumpy all day!♫ '''Vic-story:' ♪''Oh just shut~ your mouth up! I've had enough of it!♫ '''CLÉ:' ♪''Wait a sec! We are just~ parodying songs now?!♫ '''KatHeroyne:' ♪''It makes no sense!♫ '''VestA:' ♪''Can I do? I take it, baby!♫ '''Paparazzo:' ♪''Can you just stop it already?♫ '''VestA:' ♪''Hey! Why are you talking to me?♫ '''Paparazzo:' ♪''Because I'm~ sick of~ parodies!♫ '''VestA:' ...Ah well! Good job, girls! Just keep up with that spirit and we'll be all right! Hey, Parvati! What should we wear for this event? Parvati: Well, I think we should wear this military uniform-ish costume... it looks great, isn't it? Vic-story: But it looks nothing like military unifrom! I mean, what kind of military uniform has got this kind of sexy, tight, incredibly short shorts? Parvati: Uhm... that's exactly why I said "military-uniform-ish"... VestA: Ah well, it looks good so just go with it! Pilot: Uh... girls... we are entering the war zone... Ok then, enough of this idols business. Sorry, I just love idols so much I couldn't resist it (but hey, it still enlightened the plot somewhat, right? ...right?). Now, let's go back to our main gang, because I promised an ice cream truck and PSY on chat and now I have to show them in one way or another... oh well... 'Icecreamgrad Battlefield, 12:35 PM' Sean: ...seriously, Meta? =_=" W...what? Decker named the city like that, not me! Sean: Stop making excuses... Alright, alright! Geez... Miraiko: Did you know? The idol industry is a great stealth battlefield... As an idol you'll have to hide, and as a paparazzo you'll have to chase. The true art of stealth is not to be shady in a stealthy or blending uniform, it's to be shady while standing out! Kage: Hmmm.... most insightful! *writes on notebook* Yoru: (...I feel low...and btw sensei why are you wearing that shiny-as-heck tuxedo?!) So, anyway, just for the sake of story-telling, the group is walking towards a barren battlefield, dipped in snow yet full of the smell of war and bullets, with danger lurking around every corner as snipers, grenadiers, maybe even tanks and pillboxes, and uh,... I don't know,... that's about it I guess...? Uh... the sky is dark and grim? Uh... let's see... it looks warry? Anou... etou... looks like death is laughing maniacally waiting for many to come in his real? Etou... ah screw it, I'm bad at this stuff. It's just that so many people said I should be able to do a full paragraph on a scene transition... But anyway, as the gang is hiding behind boulders and bushes in their shiny tuxedos and frilly dresses, the Ganymede Union fleet has also come, and from there, Atsurya, Raymond, Daryan Cantor, and many, many troops come down. Hate: Ah, tennou-sama! Atsurya: Yosu! How is it going on here? Yoru: Still "quietly" hiding when discussing idol business... Atsurya: Ahahaha... well, speaking of idol business, Miraiko, Phoenicia have sent Vesta here. Miraiko: Really? WOW! Please give Phoenicia-sama my dearest thanks... Atsurya: But it's too dangerous to make you idols go into battles directly, so you should be able to meet up when we get to Damongrad, if everything goes smoothly. Miraiko: I see... fine by me, tennou-sama! Raymond: Well, now that our troops are here, I think we can start battling seriously to save time... Daryan C.: Agreed, sir! Atsurya: ...As you wish. Myriad: Agreed. Sean: YEAH, LET'S SHOOT SOME BETCHES! Raymond, Atsurya, Myriad: ...? *disgusted glare* Sean: I... I mean... agreed. I'm ready to sacrifice my life for our countries' sake, sir! Raymond: Alright then, let's go! Deshion Commander: HEY! The enemy forces have opened fire! ATTACK!!!! And then wars occur, which is a truly, truly terrifying sight, for rivers of blood streamed out, there was gore all over the ground, and poor girls like Hate, Miraiko, and Miyu had to cover their eyes and curl up to balls in fear, and... uhm... both sides suffered great loss and uh... it was terrifying and epic, you know, like, REEEAAALLY terrifying and it makes you wanna play some mournful medieval battle theme while reading this and then... anou... you know, I mean it's WAR and uh... like, there are bullets and stuff exploding all around so that some people shout "HELL YEAH" while watching and some others (like me) cover their eyes and uh... there are also mournings on the death of your comrades and uhm... friendly fires, stray bullets, bombs, evil laughs, GUNS and uhm... Shoot, I can't do "mundane/normal" storytelling... Anyway, all I can tell you is that the Deshion side then gets the upper hand (because Deshion is all about the army), and the Ganymede side is cornered. Appian Officer: General Raymond! We've suffered great losses, the enemy is winning! We have to do something! Raymond: Darn! I know, those Deshian bastards... we can't afford to lose right now, but... gnn... Appian Officer: Yes, sir? Raymond: Let me think... gnnnnh... Wait. a. sec... *blank eyes* Appian Officer: Uhm... sir? Raymond: HOLY MOTHERF**K! It's an ICE CREAM TRUCK! As Raymond sees a poor ice cream parking near the battlefield to refuel, he instantly runs to it, CLIMBING OVER the poor officer talking to him and using his Ray of Doom to somehow obliterate every enemy in his way à la this video: Sean: Au shete... Appian Officer: Ugh... heeeeeyyy... sexeh ladeh... wanna go out with me tonnniight...? *faints* Daryan C.: ...*scratches head* Atsurya: O_O Sean: Meh, don't worry, he does that all the time... consider us lucky... Deshion Commander: WHAT.THE. HELL?!!! HEY, SOMEONE KILL THIS DUMBA**!!! Deshion Soldier: We're trying our best, sir! But it's no use! He's cruising through our lines like an invincible superhero! GAH! *dies from Ray of Doom* Deshion Commander: CAN SOMEONE F**KING EXPLAIN THIS TO ME?!!! Raymond: HOLY MOTHERF**K! It's an ICE CREAM TRUCK! Deshion Commander: Au sh*t sh*t sh*t sh*t sh*t sh*t sh*t! DON'T COME NEAR ME, GAH!!! *quickly runs away* Douglas: ...Lol, that was so random! Bill: Agreed. Kohaku: ....eh.... *disgusted face* Raymond: HOLY MOTHERF**K! It's an ICE CREAM TRUCK! Deshion Commander: I know! BLOW THAT ICE CEAM TRUCK UP!!! Deshion Soldier: We can't do that, sir! It'll only make him angry and attack us even more wildly! GAH! *dies from Ray of Doom* Deshion Commander: .............F**k.............. Truck Driver (a female Ice Monkey): Aaaaaa~... refueling done! Now to Randomgrad! Suddenly, Raymond gets to the ice cream truck, and jumps on it so impactfully it rumbles. Truck Driver: EEK! Huh? Huh? What's going on?! Raymond them climbs to the door, much to the truck driver's horror Raymond: GIVE ME ICE CREAM B**CH! Truck Driver: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKk~!!! Terrified, the truck driver then drives her truck wildly, running over many Deshion soldiers on the way. Truck Driver: *cover eyes because of the sight of what she did* Ppppppplease go to the counter and wait properly, I.I.I.I.I.I'm always ready to sell you ice cream, sir... Deshion Commander: ...I KNOW! BLOW THAT TRUCK UP, NOW! THAT SHOULD SERVE HIM GOOD!!! Deshion Soldier: Yes, sir! *prepares grenade* Suddenly, the truck drives nears the Deshion Commander, while Raymond barges in and pulls the truck driver out out of craziness, and the Deshion Soldier throws the grenade towards the ice cream truck... not noticing it's already too close to the Deshion Commander. Raymond: GIVE ME ICE CREAM B**CH! Truck Driver: Yyyyyyyyyes, sir... pppppplease w..wait a... bbbbit.... *faints* Deshion Commander: WAIT! ACTUALLY, DON'T DO THAT! NO! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!! *dies because he's in the blast radius of the grenade meant to explode the ice cream truck* Deshion Soldier: ............. Atsurya: .............. Sean: Boy, good show! Deshion Soldier: Well, that bastard died! Let's go home! Deshion Soldiers: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYY!!! Deshion Soldier: Oh, and uh... this area is yours, we don't care anymore. We've had enough of this bloodshed anyway. You've killed the commander, it's yours. Bye. Atsurya: Th... thank you very much... Myriad: O_O I'm still trying to make sense of all this... huh? Wait... that truck driver... Truck Driver: *slowly wakes up* W...where am I? Oh, right... Raymond: ....Uh... hi there... so uh... sorry for getting you into this gigantic mess and uh... *gulp* blowing up your truck and uh... Truck Driver: WHAT?!!!! You... I remember now... gnnnnnnnnnh.... *fiery eyes* Raymond: But hey! Look at the bright side, I saved your a**! ...Speaking about it, you do have a nice a**... hmmmmm... Truck Driver: BUT YOU GOT SAID A** IN DANGER IN THE FIRST PLACE! *slaps Raymond* Raymond: Oooowwww... so,.... ice cream? *puppy eyes* Truck Driver: GO AWAY, YOU PERVERT! *slaps Raymond again* Oh, and if you're making puppy eyes, I can't see it through that thick mask of yours anyway! Raymond: (Darn...) Myriad: *walks to Raymond's place* Huh? Morozhenoye? Morozhenoye: Oh, hey! Myriad! Raymond: Wait, you two know each other? Myriad: Of course! Raymond, this is Morozhenoye, uncle Ivan's daughter... which means she's my younger cousin. She sells ice cream across the region. Morozhenoye: Myriad, can't believe you made friends with such a crazy idiot... Raymond: *gulp* Myriad: W...well... Morozhenoye: *slaps Raymond again* You... *sob* YOU RUINED MY CAREER! *cries* Raymond: *gulp*.... Dengi: *walks to Raymond's place* Don't worry, miss! I will give you enough money to open a whole big ice cream chain, plus a new, better truck! Because after all, thanks to you, we were able to win this battle! Morozhenoye: R...really? *sniff* Dengi: Of course! In fact, I can even open it for you and save you all the time caring about needless stuff if you want! Just contact me. Plus, I can't wait to help a cute cousin of Ms. Myriad! Morozhenoye: W...WOW! THANK YOU VERY MUCH! *hugs Dengi* You're my hero~.... Dengi: *blushing steamhead* Myriad: Uh... uhm... Morozhenoye... Sean: Wait a sec... *walks to Raymond's place* A better question would be... how did YOU, General Raymond, and Myriad know each other?! Raymond: Well, Myriad is Atsurya's friend and Atsurya is one of my friends... Sean: Oh... Atsurya: W...well then,... now that we've been victorious in this area, let's go on! The way to Damongrad is still long! Everyone: OOOIIIII! And so, our war and battles go on and on, full of sorrow, blood and hardship, but everyone is still trying their best for their nations... 'Dengi's Icecreamgrad Hotel's Nightclub, 11:00 PM' Sean: PARTY ROCK IS IN THE HOOOOUUUSSEE~ TONIGHT! Raymond: EVERYBODY JUST, HAVE A GOOD TIME! Douglas: AND WE GONNA MAKE YOU LOOOOSSSEE~ YOUR MIND! Bill: EVERYBODY JUST, HAVE A GOOD, GOOD, GOOD, UH TIME! Douglas: WOO! Yoru: Everybody shuffling! Hate: YAY! *glomps Yoru* *cues dubstep, everyone dancing around in the most unsightly manner possible, flashing strobe lights, food being thrown all over the place, etc. etc.* Atsurya: -_____________- *a dish of spaghetti gets thrown on her face* Phoenicia: Anou... Atsurya-san? Atsurya: -__________- *a tomato gets thrown on the back of her head* Phoenicia: A...Atsurya-san... ah, maybe I'll get you some drink... please wait a bit... Matcha, maybe? *goes to get a glass of matcha while gulping* Meanwhile, a fat drunken man wearing military with a huge beard swivels toward Atsurya like Blackbird drinking rum. Bretonnian General: Soooooo~... leetle gal, injoyed our reeeettttle viktorie selebrashon pateh? Glugluglugluglu... Atsurya: -______________- gnnnh... *draws sword on Bretonnian General's neck* *glares* Bretonnian General: *gulps* A...alright then... hic. *goes away* Kohaku: And the next song, HARE HARE YUKAI! *strums* People look on the stage to find Kohaku standing there strumming the guitar when Miyu is on the keyboard, both are wearing bunny suits, Sean: HEY, when the hell did you two get there?! But dayum those suits are hooooot~! Yoru: Hey! What kind of dirty thoughts are on your mind right now?! Sean: Well, says the one too busy flirting a certain scientist all the time. Myriad: *spits water after looking on stage* THE HELL?! (nikoface) Kohaku: So, for our vocalist, of course we'll have everyone's favorite idol, MiRAi-chan! Everyone: OOOOIII!!! MiRAi: WELCOME EVERYONE!!! Glad to meet you, chu! Kohaku: And for our drummer, please welcome Azura-chan! Azura: Oooohhh.... Miyu: Anou... Kohaku-chan, does Azura-chan really know how to drum...? *worried* Kohaku: Huh? Ah well, who cares! LET'S GO! Miyu: H...HAI! Miraiko: Nazonazo... mitai.. Kohaku: AH, I ALMOST FORGOT! MiRAi: (THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I'VE EVER GOT INTERRUPTED IN MY LIFE! >_<) Kohaku: For our lead dancer, we'll have Odori Kazeki-chan the Tessen Monkey from our troops! Meh, too lazy to write descriptions. You can look at the new character's Walfas avatar here: Kazeki: A...anou... Greetings, everyone! Random Soldier: Heeeey~! I can see that you've got a good body there! Random Soldier 2: Yeah, but why that kimono?! Reveal a bit, the female figure is the most beautiful natural work of art ya know! Random Soldier 3: Yeah, you should be more daring at a time like this! Random Soldier 4: SHOW US WHAT YOU'VE GOT! Kazeki: Eh? EH?!!! Atsurya: -____________- Mirage... Exca... Yeah, that's how our war went on... full of hardship, you see... 'December 17th, 2012' 'Randomgrad Deshion Basement, 4:00 PM' Franxian Soldier: Guh, so we managed to infiltrate this place... Old Deshion Commander: WAHAHAHAHA! Welcome, you basturds! But now, let's see if you can get through all the traps to get to me! Bretonnian Soldier: Wait, but isn't this room completely empty? Old Deshion Commander: That's why it's called a TRAP, you fool! Bretonnian Soldier: Ah, oh... right... Franxian Soldier: Bullsheeeeett!!! Let's just get him, eh... random comrade! Bretonnian Soldier: Eh? The Franxian Soldier then tries to run towards the old Deshion commander, but suddenly steps into a trap hole, making a floor tile drop, revealing a bottomless pit, while the Franxian soldier is standing in the air. Franxian Soldier: EEEEEEEKKKK!!! *looks up to Deshion Commander* You, you... Old Deshion Commander: Didn't I say there were traps? Franxian Soldier: Yeah, but you didn't say there were HIDDEN traps! I thought your warning was just bullsh*t! Old Deshion Commander: *Level 5 facepalm* Franxian Soldier: Wait a sec, why am I still standing here?! Bretonnian Soldier: Simple, don't look down! This kind of thing is in every cartoon! As long as you don't look down, you can keep going! Franxian Soldier: Huh? Oh, right... *literally air-walk across the bottomless pit* Like this? Old Deshion Commander: WHAT THE FRUUUUUUIIIIIIITTTTTy Loops?! FL-Chan: *comes out of hiding from under a nearby bed in the room* Yes? Old Deshion Commander: DAHEEEEEEELLLLL???!!! Bretonnian Soldier: Yeah, now get him! Franxian Soldier: Lolwut this place sure is random just like its name! The Franxian Soldier then runs toward the Deshion Commander, but the old man then pushes a red button on his throne, which activates a laser barrier in front of him, right when Franxian Soldier is approaching, trapping him. Franxian Soldier: MAMMA MIA! *disappears into thin air* Bretonnian Soldier: NO! COMRADE! Old Deshion Commander: Phew... Suddenly, everything goes black, and the words Randomgrad Franxian Soldier: Lives x2 appears. And then, suddenly, the Franxian Soldier from before busts in through the main door, unharmed. Franxian Soldier: Phew! Hello, guys. Old Deshion Commander & Bretonnian Soldier: WHAT THE FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUll version of After Effects?! Adobe Salesman: *comes out of hiding from under the same bed as FL-chan earlier* Well, you can get After Effects CC for 26.99 USD a month if you're interested. Do you want to pay with credit card or Paypal? Old Deshion Commander: ......Darn, I should really get used to the randomness here... No, thanks. I'm not a VFX designer. Btw, what were you two doing down there?! Adobe Salesman: Oh, me and FL-chan? We're just busy doing... some things, you know... if you know what I mean, hehe... Old Deshion Commander: O_O"... Bretonnian Soldier: ...anyway, comrade, can you please explain this? Franxian Soldier: Huh? Oh, right. It's just that whenever I shout "MAMMA MIA", then by the power of great Mario I can use all the next one of my remaining lives. Idk, I just get 2 extra lives for more reason. It may have something to do with the green mushrooms I ate in the forest... Bretonnian Soldier: O_O?! Old Deshion Commander: Heh, whatever. You still can't get to me! I'M INVINCIBLE! Bretonnian Soldier: Darn... We can't get past all those traps... Franxian Soldier: Wait a minute... Bretonnian Soldier: Yes? Franxian Soldier: We have guns, right? Bretonnian Soldier: Yes, and? Franxian Soldier: And that old man is just sitting there behind a horizontal laser fence, right? Bretonnian Soldier: Yes, and? Franxian: Then why the heck don't we just shoot him from here?! Bretonnian Soldier: ...oh. (yuiface) Old Deshion Commander: WAIT! NO! YOU'VE FOUND MY WEAKPOINT! PLEASE! I BEG.. *gets shot by Franxian Soldier* *dies* Franxian and Bretonnian Soldier: (yuiface) W...well then, it seems that THIS AREA HAS BEEN CONQUERED! Shortly afterwards, outside... Messenger: Tennou-sama, we've got news that the commander here has been killed! Should we hold a party tonight, too? Atsurya: -____________- Phoenicia: Anou... Atsurya-san, why the constant straight face...? Ehehe... And so, the army gets closer and closer to Damongrad... 'December 20th, 2012' 'Lolgrad Battlefield, 9:00 AM' Atsurya: *deflects a bullet with her sword* Gah! The enemy is too strong here! Myriad-san, do you have any strategy? *deflects another bullet* Myriad: No, I don't,... *glances sideways* Plus, I can't concentrate on a strategy with this guy around! PSY: EEEEEEEEHHHH~!!! SEXEH LADEH! Myriad: Gosh please be quiet! >_< Sean: Holy SHEET OF PAPER!!! *stops battling and looks at PSY* Is that PSY?! Sean then rushes towards PSY, MACHINE-SNIPING (?!) everything and everyone along the way, much like how Raymond owned Icecreamgrad's army. PSY: *moves toward Miyu* DAMN! GIRL! You so freakin' SEXEH! Douglas: HEY?! Myriad: *facepalm* Oh Holy Bovine, please save me... Suddenly, the sky glows brightly, and a literal holy cow, complete with a halo and white wings, descends from the high heavens. The Holy Bovine: MOOOOOOOOOOO~?! (What is it that thou need?) And then, everyone stops fighting and peace finally comes to the world because every single soldier of both sides are too busy shouting "HOLY FERTILIZER!" at the strange sight of the Holy Bovine. Random Hippie: YAAAAAAAAAYYY!!! *frantically swings flag with peace symbol* And then suddenly, a bag of glowing fertilizer also falls from the sky and hits the ground. Then from there, a giant beanstalk rapidly grows and pierces the nine levels of clouds. And then from there, one can see a giant's eye peeking down and... ...and I lost track of what's even supposed to be happening. *look at the mess I've created and wonder what's wrong with my mind* The Holy Bovine: MOOOO, MOOOOOOOOO!! (I said, what is it that thou need?) Myriad: >.< ......Uh.... so.... uh.... Anyone here knows cowspeak? Phoenicia: .......................-________________- Myriad: Phoenicia is dead silent. That means no one knows cowspeak. Phoenicia: -______________- (and what did you expect?!) Myriad: Well sheet of plastic... I always forget about this everytime I call him... Kohaku: Wait, you have called him before?! Myriad: Kinda... The Holy Bovine: MMOOOOOOOO? MOO MOO MOO! MOOO MOO MOOOOO MOO MOOOOOO MOOOO. MOOO MOO MOOOO MOO. MOOO MOOO MOOOOOO! (No request? What a waste of time! Fine then, if thou don't have any request then I should return to ye sky. Can't answer thine request if thou don't have one. Oh, and I don't know old English but I'm still trying just for the sake of being holy, by the way!) The Holy Bovine then ascends to the heavens while everyone is still standing there stunned by the sight. Myriad: Bye... And then, suddenly the heavens open again and a voice echoes throughout the land. Morgan Freeman: The Holy Bovine has come back to me, telling me that you need some help, but it seems you don't know what you need. Thus, I give you a new commandment: Thou. Shalt. Do. The. Dance! Random Voice: EVERYBODY DANCE NOW! And then, everyone throws their weapons away and dance in joy, soldiers from both sides of the war forget what they're fighting for and just merge together as a raging party. Deshion Commander: *approaches Bretonnian General* OH MY FREEMAN! You know what? I give you this land, for I have never had a more fascinating sight in my life! Bretonnian General: Sure thing, brother! The Deshion Commander of Lolgrad and the Bretonnian General then become good friends because this chapter is a mess already. Atsurya: -______________- Myriad: MEEEEEEETTTAAAAAAAAAAAAA~!!! I object this kind of writing! *throws brick at OUCH!* Ow ow owwwww... that was mean... *cover head* A...anyway... 'December 21st, 2012' 'Damongrad Pandaemonia, 7:00 AM' Decker: ...........*facepalm* -_______________- Daryan B.: So uh... for our reports... *gulp* Decker: -_____________- Daryan B.: D... do you have anything to say, Great Premier? Decker: -_____________- So let me get this straight: Icecreamgrad failed because of an ice cream truck, Randomgrad got dominated because some weird video game mechanics suddenly take place, and Lolgrad got conquered because.... sh*t.... what happened again?! -____________- Daryan B.: *gulp* So... so... uh... Decker: .........F**k you. That's all. -_____________- Daryan B.: O...ok then, *gulp* Great Premier! Decker: But still... Daryan B.: Y...yes, sir? Decker: *breaks glass in hand* By the time they come here,... *slams table* I'll make sure I destroy everything, everyone in my way... *camera cuts to the thousands of tanks outside the Damongrad Pandaemonia, plus a gigantic spider-tank and a horrendous mobile fortress with guns everywhere while Decker is talking, then cuts back to Decker* E. VE. RY. ONE!!! *swipes his hand to break a bottle of wine* Decker then shows Daryan how a tank crushed the Lolgrad Commander's executed body in the Damongrad Pandaemonia's "garden". Decker: YOU HEAR?!!! Daryan B.: *gulp* Y... yes, sir! Daryan then tries to hastily goes out of Decker's room. Daryan B.: Grrrrr.... let's get serious! '-- CHAPTER 18 END --' Profiles Updated/Unlocked! *'The Bretonnian General (Age: 61):' The Ultimate Commander of the Ganymede Union, an union of multiple countries including Franxia, Breton, Japana, Appire, and some other countries, also an old piratey drunk. How can he be both is anybody's guess. *'Celestia Idol Group:' A group of 9 international idols with worldwide fame, usually only assembled and perform on really big events. The group admittedly plays a much larger role in my other fanfic Encore than in Eternal Wars. All of them are Idol Monkeys, and thus are all singers. Here are the members of the group and their special roles: **'VestA (Age: 18)' (Leader, Voice Actress): Real name Vesta, from Romeus. She's the leader of Celestia and is also a professional voice actress. She can spot any paparazzo, anywhere, and is also the mentor of the whole Celestia group in the art of hiding from Paparazzi, which in turn makes her Miraiko's mentor in stealth, WHICH in turn makes her the ninja Yoru's sensei's sensei's sensei. Poor ninja. **'ΣirY (Age: 18)' (Transcriber, Mixer): Real name Siryen, from Graceus. She's one of Vesta's best friends and is the calm transcriber and track mixer of the group. She's also considered the unofficial vice-leader. **'MiRAi (Age: 16)' (Composer): Real name Hoshiranon Miraiko, from Japana. I believe she's already been introduced before, read Chapter 15 if you missed it. Also, "Mirai" means "future" in Japanese. **'CLÉ (Age: 17)' (Promotion Manager): Real name Clémence, from Franxia. She's the PR manager of the group and is also known as Vesta's trusted assistant in busting paparazzi, since she's skilled at secretly filming them then upload their shameful actions on her YouPipe account. By the way, "clé" means "key in French. **'Vic-story (Age: 18)' (Lyrics Writer): Real name Victoria, from Breton. She's the lyrics writer of the group, and despite her age, she's the smallest one in the group in size. She's also a bit grumpy compared to the other members of the group when not in front of the camera. **'CHANT&Sing (Age: 17)' (Opera Singer): Real name Cheon Seong, from Kiraesia. She can hit freakishly high notes, and she is also quite easygoing and mocks Victoria often. **'KatHeroine (Age: 16)' (Lead Dancer): Real name Katheryn, from Appire. She's the youngest member of the group (there are two other members being the same age as her, but she's still the last to be born), and although she's into hard rock she still behaves sweetly and consider most other members her elders. She's also the most talented dancer of the group and is also said to be the only one who can do hiphop properly. Since she's from Appire, maybe we can learn something else about her in the next chapter? Fufu~... **'Parvati (Age: 16)' (Costume Designer): Real name Parvati, from Endya. She's the young costume designer of the group, and is the only one in the group who uses her real name as her stage name (though everyone's stage name represents their real name in some ways). She's quite calm and hardly speaks except when being interviewed or being asked something. **'BLING'☆ (Age: 17): Real name Bing Ge, from the Taolan Empire. She's currently the least explored member, although the group as a whole has hardly been explored at all. *'Raymond Flare the Ray of Doom (Updated):' Likes ice cream. Like, really likes it. Commentary Kohaku: Holy cow... Suddenly, the heavens open up and the Holy Bovine descends. Kohaku: *gulp* NO! NO! GET OUTTA HERE! The Holy Bovine: MOOOOOOOOOO? MOOOOOOO. (What art thou shouting? I can't understand) Myriad: *facepalm* Bill: Lol... Sean: This chapter was a mess. Douglas: It's so messed up we don't know what to say about it anymore... ...*Dead silence* .......*Myriad pets the Holy Bovine* ...The Holy Bovine: MOOOOOOOOO! (What? I'm just mooing!) ... ...*Commentary ends because of silence* Next Chapter Preview (NOTE: I originally planned for Chap 19 and Chap 18 to be one single chapter, but since it got too long I decided to split it, so the previous preview was a complete lie, sorry.) (sounds of swords clashing) Atsurya: *pushed back* GUH! What has gotten into you?! ???: Give up, you can't defeat me now, Atsurya! *swings sword towards Atsurya* Atsurya: *blocks slash* Guh! SNAP OUT OF IT! PLEASE! Meanwhile, Kenshi finally arrives and rushes to the scene. Kenshi: TENNOU-SAMA! You... you are... (camera cut) Daryan B.: So you have finally used the second corrupted soldier, Great Premier... Decker: Hmph... but still, I always save the best for last... this thing just can't be wasted, can it? Decker then opens a brown wooden box, with an eye-shaped glowing red crystal inside. Decker: Also, Daryan B., make sure you do your work properly this time, or else... *red glare* it won't be good,... for anyone, YOU HEAR? Daryan: *gulp* Y... yes, sir! (Daryan Blazer appears in a huge spider tank) (camera cut) Daryan: A.... ahahaha.... muahahha.... MUAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! You've defeated me countless times, boys! I'm utterly shamed now, and I've got nothing left to lose! It's either my life or ALL OF YOURS, right HERE, right NOW! WARENDER, SHOW THEM WHAT YOU'VE GOT!!! (The spider tank then shoots a huge shell forward, ending the preview) Please stay tuned for the next chapter, Approach! Category:Blog posts Category:Fanfics Category:Eternal Wars